saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
