my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
