Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
