Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize