listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
