This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
