i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
