Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
