$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
