mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
