I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
