Just fell off a train. Bad.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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