I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
