Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
