i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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