Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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