yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
