We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
