Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
