You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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