the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will pee on everything he values.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
