How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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