everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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