Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
