Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
