i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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