Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
