you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
