So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
