i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
