i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
