just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize