pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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