I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
