I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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