No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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