I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
