i need an iv and a liver transplant
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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