i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
