Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
