sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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