hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
