I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
