I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
