im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
