its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
