the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
