Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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