A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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