I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
