also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
