What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
