He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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