are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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