it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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