Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
