The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
