it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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