Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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