So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
