i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
