I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
