NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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