He is an equal opportunity slut.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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