I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize