I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
