Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
