i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
