im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
