i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
