that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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