i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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