Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
