When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
