We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
