I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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