some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
