It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am naked and annoyed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
