Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
