I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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