I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
