No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
