I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
