I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
