May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
