Im at strip club and am horny
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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