so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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