I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
