Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
