Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish i was in the wii world.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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