Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
